It is what it is

And I was staying afloat enough to feel connected to earth, to life and yet I so wanted to succumb and let myself go; at times nothing mattered and others day I was so full of life and meaning that it was hard to cone to terms with those extreme when i was able to see it for what it wa

 And I was staying afloat enough to feel connected to earth, to life and yet I so wanted to succumb and let myself go; at times nothing mattered and others day I was so full of life and meaning that it was hard to cone to terms with those extreme when i was able to see it for what it was: a constant fight between what i wanted and what i was actually feeling.

 I walked a fine line between life and death in my head and the truth is, at times letting go was so freeing and yet something deep down kept telling me to hold on, to wait and it was during these days when I was half submerged, half living, half dying and waiting for the cloud of darkness to ease a bit and then allow me to resume my fight for life again. 

Perhaps thats life, a balancing act of staying afloat and yet part of you submerged; a balancing act of happiness and sadness and looking up to the sky for a sign that tells you to keep on going as all fibers of your being wants to just give up and somehow some faith or resignation comes through and you take it one day at the time but not knowing where it may lead but hoping for the best, whatever that may be.

time passes by, memories of better times begin to creep in when we least expect it or when we confront a challenging moment. we relieve moments of joy, love and why not crazy ones, LOL. anyway, we all fill our moments with what we think will make us survive, cope with the routine and somehow we get stuck in those memories and refuse to move on because they are part of us or at least were some time or another.

It's no wonder to me how some people live their lives in the past, sometimes confronting the present is not so pleasant, although we live in the present the past will always dictate the steps we take, always holding back a little bit of us, reminding us that there were glorious times that maybe just maybe might not be back, and why replace good memories with maybe new one. we want what we know for sure, we want what we know feels safe, predictable,we want what makes us feel like coming home after a brutal winter storm, the comfort we get when we are so cold and only our special blanket can take the cold away ( along with other heartache, LOL). we all definetely want to hold on to the good stuff, I do not blame any one for it, its normal, safe and understandable but what if.....?

we miss out on wonderful possibilities that only our actions can transform in reality, what if living in the past, in one specific moment keeps us from going the extra mile and uncover feelings, desires we didnt know we have? what if just because is so comfortable we do not move or challenge ourselves, what if memories are so safe that they impede growth, even the creation of new memories become unbereable, and so it goes that life becomes like walking on eggshells and we do not want to break them, who wants to? walking slowly and carefully turns out to be the best bet, holding on to memories then turns into a safe heaven, but look out, there is so much life has to offer and new memories can be made just open yourself to the possibilities and if you have to well break some eggs along the way ( no point intended, honestly) then do so, keep moving forward, you dont have to forget the past, just keep moving knowing that the future holds endless possibilities which will become then part of your past, so enjoy the ride and lets go do some crazy stuff, I know I am.

After every storm, calm comes. After love is gone faith and hope find their way back in and so as the next year approaches, let us be hopeful and glad for all we have both the bad and the good, life is a combination of sweet and sour and we must taste both to realize how much we like one in particular. LOVE, LAUGH, LEARN AND MOST OF ALL DARE THIS YEAR TO BE YOURSELF, DARE TO DO WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD NOT DO, TRY SOMETHING NEW AND JUST BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. SADNESS ALWAYS FINDS US LET US GO OUT THERE AND ACTIVELY LOOK FOR HAPPINESS IN WHATEVER SHAPE OR FORM WE CAN FIND IT.

I'M OUT

....

Por si no te vuelvo a ver.

quiero decirte que a pesar de todo fuistes muy importante para mi. que hubieron varios momentos en que mi vida te pertenecia solo a ti, que mi respiracion se acortaba cuando a mi te acercabas y que mi aire era mas puro si estabas junto a mi.

te admiraba tanto que no quedaba espacio para nada mas , te construi un altar el cual poco a poco destruiste pero fuistes grande para mi y tu lo sabias y a pesar de eso no apreciastes lo que te di.

quiero que sepas que mi vida ya no sera igual, que despues de ti posiblemente vendran otros que quieran captar mi devocion pero gracias a ti no podran, ahora se que nadie merece un altar o ser amado come se quiere a dios, solo tu gozaste de esa dicha y los que vengan cerca de mi gozaran de un amor mas sereno y maduro pero lista para cualquier desilucion.

no todo fue malo, vivimos muchos anos de mutuo amor, gozamos la dicha de estar enamorados a plenitud solo que con el tiempo fuimos cambiando aunque a veces pienso que fui yo la que cambie y lo que antes me parecia suficiente ahora no lo era, queria mas de ti, queria que tu me aceptaras como soy y que fueras mi admirador numero uno, pero no fue asi y poco a poco se fue deteriorando lo que hubo. te ame profundamente y siempre habra un espacio en mi para ti , espero que madures y que a pesar de todo solo recordemos los buenos momentos y por si no te vuelvo a ver , te deceo lo mejor y que encuentres el amor asi como estoy tratando de hacer yo.

 

glitter-graphics.com




Found this poem about marriage and Loved it, so I'm putting it out there for all of you to enjoy it as well, opinions are welcome. Enjoy


Marriage

Then Almitra spoke again and said, 'And what of Marriage, master?'

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Kahlil Gibran

looking inward

looking inward do we like what we see? can we recognize the person that appears to habitate in our body now? how many faces do we have and which one is the real us? some people choose to never reveal their identity instead hide behind a mask that helps them go through life, I'm not saying is alright to do this but for some it could be a distiction between fitting in or just being isolated.

we all sort of wear mask in our daily lives, whether on purpose or not , we never act the same way with everyone or react in the same manner, yes we all have different "agents" that helps us during certain situation but it is knowing this and not getting absorb into our lies and dellusions that separate us from those living a difuse lie and then they end up not knowing who they are anymore.

soul searching requires that we look inward but how can we do this if our ideas of who we are is distorted? sometimes we mitigate the pain of who we really are by being someone everyone likes, but the thruth will always be there lurking in the dark of our lives.

who are you? are you truth to yourself? are your morals and ideals in sync with your behavior? do you feel like you have to behave a certain way to get others to accept you? I hope not, acceptance comes from within and when looking inward this should be no problem because looking inward would be like looking through clear water after a storm, no matter how dirty the water at the end its clarity is inevitable and nothing can ever change that!

glitter-graphics.com



going threre I knew i couldn't trust myself around him, there was something about him that made him irresistible, maybe it was his arrogant demeanor or the way he stands so tall when he's close to me, i couldnt figure it out but i knew he could make me his at anytime he wanted, i would not protest , to the contrary i was secretly begging for him to take me.
i felt undress when he looked at me and when h touched me i lost myself in his arms, there were no restrictions , no inhibitions, i just let go and we found ourselves in a place full of passion, lust and just plain desire.
i knew i was his from the moment he touched me, with out saying a word he knew exactly all my needs and desires, i was spechless, i have never felt anything like this before, i've never felt so full, so complete, so wanted.
with him i felt like a goddes and it was because of him that i came back to life, through him i realized my own beauty, he filled my empty vase with water which the flowers have long ago absorb, now im full, replenish and ready to give and receive all the passion that i have in me.